My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have aggressive nipples.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
