I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
