A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
