I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
