I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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