he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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