Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ugly people sure do ruin things
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
