How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
not ubering you a puppy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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