Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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