I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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