he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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