guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
