Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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