New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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