Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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