jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
