I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
