My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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