soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
