I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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