I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
