omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
