just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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