I hope mine doesn't look like that
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize