i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize