It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
