First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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