I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
