It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize