Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
