Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize