I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
