I think my vagina is haunted
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize