just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
