wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
