Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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