The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
