We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
