just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
