Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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