Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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