your thong is hanging out like whoa
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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