Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
