I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
