i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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