Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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