it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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