Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
