i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
