Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize