Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize