my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
