I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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