I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
