he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
