So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
