I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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