from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
