1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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