He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
