His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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