Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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