My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
