He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
