i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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