it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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