Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
