Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
