I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
