Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
