hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
