white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize