She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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